I’ve got speed bump mind. In Chicago, I had ready access to the computer, always connected via DSL. Here in London, I share an internet connection, have access mostly when I’m off duty as housekeeper and receptionist. At Jill’s place, internet access means dialup via shared phone line. All kinds of things popping up through the day and not the time to sift through them, figure out what’s post-worth… and not enough time to keep up with other blogs. Blogging’s definitely not the same when it’s done in a vaccuum with speed bumps.
Coming off of a big push to clean up the whole of GlobalChicago.NET, I’m also noticing the difference between the technical and personal dimensions of a blog/site. Both can be messy or clear, bumpy or flowing… but the technical stuff stores better. I can make a list of technical to-do items, but it’s harder to keep track of the juicier bits of writing that go by in a day. What to do with the brilliance that comes in the middle of cleaning the bathroom? …not knowing when my next access will be. Letting go. Letting flow. Life smears.
Life, everything I know of it just now, all the forms and levels and edges I find now are simultaneously bumpy and smearing. Living in two places. Working in the Center and online and on the phone. Phone and internet access shared. The duty schedule whipping all around with special retreats and events for this whole month of December. I make a list of accomplishments this year and count 29 or so. All but 3 or 4 connected in some way to endings. And still, Life feels seductive now. I protest. And go on.
(oops, here’s the rest!)
There are so many gifts, my dear,
Still unopened from your birthday.
O, there are so many hand-crafted presents
That have been sent to your life
From God.
~transl. Daniel Ladinsky
wishing you a joyful new year,
love,
you said yesterday “is it just me or is Life more seductive than ever?” and I think, yes, both!!
here’s a Hafiz poem for you (let’s see if I can get the whole thing into one comments box). I carry this one around in my journal:
SO MANY GIFTS
There are so many gifts
Still unopened from your birthday,
There are so many hand-crafted presents
That have been sent to you by God.
The Beloved does not mind repeating,
“Everything I have is also yours.”
Please forgive Hafiz and the Friend
If we break into a sweet laughter
When your heart complains of being thirsty
When ages ago
Every cell in your soul
Capsized forever
Into this infinite golden sea.
Indeed,
A lover’s pain is like holding one’s breath
Too long
In the middle of a vital performance.
In the middle of one of Creation’s favorite
Songs,
Indeed, a lover’s pain is this sleeping,
This sleeping,
When God just rolled over and gave you
Such a big good-morning kiss!
There are so many gifts, m